How to Maintain a Mistress (or Second Wife) Without Going Broke

There are times when double the pleasure also equates to double the trouble, and this is one of them. Sure it’s a thrill to take on a mistress or even marry someone in secret even when you have a wife waiting back home. Marriage on the rocks or not, your finances will surely take a beating when you have the unenviable task of keeping two home fires burning bright. Here’s how you can have your cake and eat it too!

  • P1Don’t take this route if you’re not sure you can cope with the uncertainties that lie along the way. You gotta be rich, with more than a sizeable income. If you’re not, then the only way to fund both homes is to take on another job ? preferably one that will rake in the bucks.
  • Not rich? Then you’d better have a wealthy relative on his/her deathbed whose will features you predominantly.
  • Better safe than sorry ? say yes to condoms. You don’t want children adding to the expense and complicating issues more than they already are.
  • If you’re smart, your mistress will probably be independent, with an income of her own, who’s only in the relationship because she believes you when you say you’re on the verge of divorcing your wife.
  • Make sure your wife and mistress never meet ? if your divorce settlement doesn’t clean out your bank account, your alimony payments definitely will.
  • Reduce your commuting expenses ? get your mistress a love nest close to your primary home.
  • Or, find a mistress who lives in another city - somewhere you fly to regularly on legitimate business trips. Your company will end up funding your evenings together.
  • Is your mistress a colleague? Take business trips together. Dinner meetings with(out) clients are legitimate business expenses.
  • Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but they’re the sworn enemies of a man’s wallet ? especially when he has two sources that drain it. Here’s when the wonder stone known as cubic zirconium steps in and works miracles as the diamond’s understudy. It performs just as well and, unless you’re a professional in the precious stone industry, you can hardly tell the difference. 
  • Women are sentimental creatures - most of them at least. Sometimes, the simplest homemade gifts win them over when the costliest will not. Your mistress and wife will probably appreciate more time with you or gifts of sentimental value that come from the heart, rather than expensive toys that are picked up by your secretary.
  • Pretend you’re in the relationship for true love ? that’s the only way your mistress is not going to make demands that you cannot satisfy.
  • Alternatively, you can badmouth your wife and provide exaggerated accounts of the harrowing experiences you face when you go home to her. Make your mistress feel sorry for you.
  • Don’t give your credit card to either your wife or your mistress.
  • Get your mistress to fund some of your escapades. The good old sob story about the mean wife holding and controlling the purse strings should work wonders on a besotted female.
  • Treat your mistress well. Control your temper even when she tests your limits. You don’t want her spilling the beans to your wife in the event of a falling out. The financial repercussions are sure to get you down.
  • Treat your wife well. You don’t want her suspecting that you’re up to something behind her back. That doesn’t mean you should start doing stuff that upsets the status quo, like sending her flowers when you usually don’t. That will surely raise the red flags of suspicion.
  • Get rid of any proof of your double life. That way, even if the unwanted happens, you can always claim ignorance. 

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2 Responses to “How to Maintain a Mistress (or Second Wife) Without Going Broke”

  1. I’ve never read anything more immoral than this post! Can’t believe that someone could really spend time to compose such kind of tips, but unfortunately someone did and there are people who already followed the advice.
    Rotten tips to become a rotten gentleman…

  2. ROFL… I sure had a good laugh! :)

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